Fun With Thunderbolts
by Red Witch
Summary: Doc lets Zach get drunk. Insanity ensues. A lot of insanity.


**Once again Zach has blown apart the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters. Here's another fun mad fic that I just wanted to write. Like I'm the only person who wonders what Zach's like when he's drunk? **

**Fun With Thunderbolts**

"Walter Hartford…" Niko gritted her teeth. "I can't believe you got Zachery drunk…**Again!"**

"It's not like I poured the drinks down his throat," Doc shrugged in that infuriating casual way he had. "I told him to go easy but he didn't listen."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"There goes another wall," Shane Gooseman said casually.

There was a huge hole in the wall of the bar the Rangers were in. Zachery Foxx smirked and hiccupped. "See…I **told **you I could hit the dart board! (Hiccup!)"

"Nothing says fun like playing darts with a drunken Galaxy Ranger with a bionic arm," Doc grinned.

"DOC!" Niko snapped. "I **hate** it when the Captain's kids go away on field trips or off to a friend's house for the night and leave him alone!"

"That's why I brought him to a bar," Doc told her. "To get his mind off his troubles and help him be a little less lonely."

"You mean to help you increase your wallet and come up with blackmail material," Shane gave him a look.

"Potato, po-tat-to," Doc shrugged. "Same difference. He was gonna drink himself into a stupor anyway, what with it being the anniversary of his wife being trapped in the Psychocrypt and all."

"That's why we **told** you to keep an eye on him until Goose and I got back from our mission so we could watch him!" Niko snapped.

"I'm watching him!" Doc pointed.

_"Everybody have fun tonight!"_ Zach drunkenly danced around, spinning a robot bartender around. _"Everybody wang chung tonight…Whatever that means…"_

"You and everyone in the bar," Shane remarked. "The ones who haven't fled for their lives anyway."

"AAAHHHHH!" The robot bartender screamed as he crashed into the wall. "Owie…My circuits can't take this…Goodbye cruel world…"

KABOOM!

The robot exploded into dozens of pieces all over the bar. "They just don't make robots like they used to," Zach hiccupped.

"And to think people call **me** the unstable one of the group," Shane smirked.

"Commander Walsh is going to **kill** us," Niko groaned.

"Why? It's not like we haven't accidentally blown stuff up before," Shane asked.

"Yes but usually we're **off planet!"** Niko gave the Supertrooper a look. "Not in a bar on Earth!"

"That's why I took him to this quaint establishment where nobody knows our name," Doc explained.

BOOOOOOOOOM!

"Or at least they didn't until tonight," Doc added. "On the bright side that wall needed some windows anyway."

"Not to mention an exterminator," Niko wrinkled her nose as dozens of cockroaches scurried out of the holes in the wall.

"Is that why you chose **this **place?" Shane asked Doc. "Seeing it was probably going to collapse on it's own?"

"Let's just say I don't think the owners are too worried about any collateral damage or their insurance rates," Doc remarked.

"Still it's not a good idea to let Zachery run wild even if it is the seediest dive of the planet Earth," Niko gave him a look.

"Come on you two, the man is so uptight he has to have his underwear surgically removed," Doc said. "Letting off a little steam like this is good for him."

BOOOOM!

"Yeah but it's not so good for everyone **around **him," Shane winced as Zach accidentally set off another small thunderbolt, scattering several tough biker types in fear. "How many of those things can he shoot off anyway?"

"I dunno," Doc thought. "It used to be he could only shoot off one or two real big ones but lately it seems his stamina's improved."

"Too bad the same can't be said for his tolerance for alcohol," Shane remarked. "You know I don't think the man ever drank much before."

"Not until he met us," Doc added.

"And you don't see the connection here?" Niko asked bitterly.

"Not really no," Doc said cheerfully.

"Hey look! A mechanical bull!" Zach hiccupped. "I got a great idea!" He started to remove his uniform.

"Zachery…" Doc did a double take. "What are you doing?"

"It looks like he's…" Shane began.

"I can see that!" Doc said. "And soon everyone will see that! Captain put your clothes back on!"

"Oh no…" Niko winced. "Zachery…Don't do it! At least keep your…"

"WHEEEEEE!"

"Underwear on…" Niko closed her eyes.

"So much for his underwear needing to be surgically removed," Shane gave Doc a look.

"Okay maybe he's a **little** out of control," Doc admitted.

"You think?" Niko snapped.

"YEHAAAAA!" Zachery rode the mechanical bull wearing nothing but a wild grin. "Ride 'em cowboy!"

"Suddenly I'm **glad** I forgot the camera," Doc quipped.

"Well that's more of the Captain than I wanted to see," Shane winced.

"I didn't know he had a tattoo **there,**" Niko blinked.

"Our captain really does have a wild side," Doc snickered. "Oh I am going to love holding this over him!"

"No, you are **not!**" Niko snapped. "We've got to get him out of here before the military police comes and arrests him!"

"They're already **here**," Shane pointed. "Hiding under that table."

"Gee what a bunch of wimps," Doc blinked. "Somebody shoots out one or two little thunderbolts and they all go to pieces. Along with the walls. And parts of the ceiling."

"At least he can't shoot off his thunderbolts any more," Niko groaned. "No badge…Or uniform for that matter."

"YEAHHOOOOOOOOO!" Zach was clearly blitzed out of his mind. "YEAAAH…WHOAH!"

WHUMP!

"And he's off," Doc winced as Zach fell to the floor.

"I've fallen and I can't get up…" Zach giggled.

"Doc! Goose! Put his pants on and let's get **out** of here!" Niko ordered. "Before this nightmare gets even **worse."**

"Fine," Doc reluctantly did what he was told. "Come on Zachery it's time to put your pants on and go bye bye…"

"Wah?" Zach blinked drunkenly. "We're going to another party?"

"Yes but it has a dress code," Doc picked up Zach's pants and with Shane's help tried to put them on. "Come on Zach, let's just get your leg in here and…YEOW!"

"Wow," Shane blinked as Doc flew across the room. "Even without his charge that bionic leg's still got quite a kick to it."

"Doc! Are you okay?" Niko rushed to help her friend.

"Yeah I'm fine," Doc said woozily. "These nice military police officers broke my fall."

"Mommy take the bad man away…" One of the MP's whimpered.

"Look we'll make a deal," The other MP groaned. "We didn't see anything if you just take him away! Please! Before he kills us all!"

"Come on Doc, quit goofing around and help me here," Shane grunted as he lifted Zach up. Somehow he had managed to put Zach's pants back on.

"All right," Doc got up and helped Shane drag Zach out of what was left of the bar.

"What a night," Niko groaned as she picked up what was left of Zach's uniform. "I swear we will be lucky to get through this without a court martial."

"I'm still gonna need therapy for **years** to remove the mental image of my naked captain riding a mechanical bull," Doc groaned.

"Let's just get him in the car," Shane said. "I'll drive."

"Oh no you **don't!**" Doc snapped. "I've already been nearly killed once tonight thank you! I'll drive!"

"I will drive," Shane said defensively.

"No, I will drive," Doc snapped.

"I'll drive!" Shane snapped back.

"I'll drive!" Doc said.

"**I** can drive!" Zach giggled.

"NO, YOU **CAN'T!**" Both Shane and Doc shouted at him.

"Okay," Zach kept giggling.

"**I** will drive," Niko took the keys out and got into the driver's seat of the car. "Since no one else is **mature** enough to!"

"See what you did," Doc looked at Shane.

"Me? What did I do?" Shane snapped as he shoved Zach into the car. "You're the one who got him drunk!"

"I did not!" Doc said.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Well I call shotgun," Doc indicated he wanted to sit up front with Niko.

"No way! You are sitting in the back seat with Zach!" Shane snapped.

"I don't want to sit in the back seat! You sit in the back seat!" Doc gave him a look.

"Forget it!" Shane growled.

"I called it! I get to ride up front!" Doc protested.

"No, you don't!" Shane got in his face.

"Yes, I do!" Doc puffed up.

"I swear you three are the most **immature**…" Niko growled.

"Niko can we go get some ice cream?" Zach was laughing.

"I am sitting up front!" Shane shouted reaching for the door.

"No, I am!" Doc tried to grab it from.

"I'll sit up front!" Zach called out.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Niko shouted. "Goose you sit up front with me! Doc you sit with Zachery and try to keep him under control!"

"Ha!" Shane snorted as he got in the car.

Doc made a face and sat next to Zach. "It's because she likes him best…" Doc grumbled.

"It's because you're a screw up," Shane snapped back.

"Am not!" Doc snapped.

"QUIET!" Niko shouted. "Doc put his seat belt on! Shane shut up!"

"Can we…" Zach began.

"AND WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY ICE CREAM!" Niko roared as she drove off.

"You don't have to be such a grouch about it," Zach grumbled.

"Look all we gotta do is sneak him back onto BETA and into his room before anyone sees us," Shane said. "Doc put his clothes back on."

"I can't do that with his seat belt on," Doc gave him a look. "It's a little difficult."

"Then unbuckle it, put his clothes back on and then buckle him in again!" Shane snapped. "Some genius you are!"

"Oh you're advocating unsafe driving?" Doc snapped.

"Just do it Doc!" Niko snapped.

"Guys have you ever noticed how bright and twinkly the lights are at night in the city?" Zach asked in a dazed voice as he looked out the window.

"Yes they are a miracle of modern science," Doc said dryly as he unbuckled Zach's seat belt. "So is cotton, or whatever these uniforms are made out of. Now let's get your shirt on."

"Hey Doc! I just had a great idea!" Zach giggled as he moved around in his seat.

"I have a better one," Doc tried to settle him down. "How about sitting quietly? On no…Zachery! Don't do what I **think** you're going to do! Don't do it! Don't do it!"

"Do **what?**" Shane turned around and then blanched at what he saw. "Oh man…"

"He did it…" Doc covered his eyes as Zach mooned the highway.

"DOC!" Niko yelled.

"Why are you blaming me for this? You told me to unbuckle him!" Doc snapped.

"We told you to put his clothes back on!" Shane shoved Zach back down with one hand. "Not let him take off what little he has on!"

"Well why don't you come back here and help me?" Doc snapped.

"Oh I'll help you all right!" Shane made a fist.

"Please tell me that no one from the highway patrol saw that," Niko groaned.

"No," Shane looked out. "Just a few drivers and a bus full of nuns."

"Of course…" Niko groaned. Then she could hear the honking of horns. "Now what?"

"It's from the bus," Doc looked. "I think the nuns want him to do it again."

"Okay," Zach managed to get up again.

"Captain no! Oh for crying out loud!" Niko yelled.

"My mistake," Shane rolled his eyes. "It's not a bus full of nuns. It's a bus full of guys **dressed** like nuns!"

"It looks like a prison bus," Doc said. "I've heard about this. Some prisons let their prisoners put on plays for other prisons as part of their rehabilitation. They must be doing the Sound of Music."

"Well we are going to hear the **sound** of Commander Walsh ordering us to do a seven year tour on Pluto if Zachery doesn't pull his pants back on!" Niko shouted. "I'm telling you this is one adventure we **don't **want people to know about!"

"If it was made into a show we sure would get pretty high ratings," Doc quipped.


End file.
